Being classy

Talking about class or being classy is a very controversial topic so we are going to talk about it. I have my opinions and you have your own. I express the way I feel; you can always disagree but I hope you at least hear me out. Let’s talk about being classy. I have added in some pictures of quotes that I really like, the one with the peacock is my favourite and defines class to me. 

The definition

The definition of Class/Classy is the following: Stylish and sophisticated. synonyms; stylish, high-class, superior, exclusive, chic, elegant, smart etc.

My own definition

I feel that the word classy has changed so much over the years. For me it is someone that goes through life with grace and what I mean with that is someone who respects themselves and others. What you wear doesn’t make you classy. You can wear the most expensive blouses in the world and still be trashy in the way that you carry yourself. It’s about your image and not so much about what you wear. For me it’s how you act towards the world and towards others instead of clothes and money. The number in your bank account doesn’t give you class in my opinion. However how you look and how you dress effect the way people view you. You can wear the most amazing outfits but if you are a mean person, you are still a mean person.

Role models

People especially young girls have role models and they see them behave a certain way or do certain things and they want to do those things. Those people are their role models they want to be like them in one way or another. They compare themselves to them. This has been a thing since forever my generation needed to buy magazines and see what the stars did trough that now a day you can go on their Instagram and yes it’s worse now because you can not only see them sing songs and talk about their favourite pet but now you see celebs smoke and drink. It’s a different world now a days. But it has been around since forever. In primary school it was like this: a popular girl had a skirt that everyone loved two weeks later everyone was wearing that skirt, we saw this girl on TV wearing a bracelet everyone wanted a bracelet like that. It’s not a new thing now a days you can see more of someone you can not only see their ups but also the downs. Yes, some people choose the wrong role models but this isn’t new either. Young people are going to dress a certain way, do their hair a certain way, talk a certain way, have a group of friend who act a certain way and they are going to regret this later but this isn’t new, we have all been through this. The difference now is that the girls put it on Instagram instead of a photo album and what google sees can never be unseen. I remember wearing these clothes and now looking back I noticed how ugly it was and how horrible it looked. In ten years I might think the same of the outfit I am wearing now but I was happy in that moment and it showed trough. The thing what younger people don’t realize is that what is on google doesn’t disappear of google. That you will be googled when you want to find a job. I think it’s the parent’s responsibility to lock the account of their children and talk about the internet and how putting your pictures out there might not be such a good idea. For example, if I go out I do not let myself be photographed, mostly because those pictures never turn out good but also because I want to be cautious about what pictures are out there of me. If I don’t like a picture that a friend put up I kindly ask them to take them down and they always do because you shouldn’t have a picture somewhere that you don’t like and there is nothing wrong with saying that.

Fashion

Like I said I have had clothes that I look back at now and think oh that wasn’t a good look that wasn’t cute at all. All girls go through that and yes you will regret it in a way but it doesn’t matter because that is growing up and getting older. It’s a good thing because through those phases you learn to find your own style and your own personality. If you don’t get plastic surgery what is the harm? It’s reversible you can always change. You chopped your hair? It will grow back. dyed it pink? It will grow out. Wearing a skirt that is too short? You will look back at pictures and think well that was ugly and that is the end of it. It’s a part of puberty and part of growing older and it’s wrong for you to judge someone because of that. We all went through it, some more than other but it’s okay. Some people have an emo phase others have a girly phase, others have a sweatshirt phase everyone is different and you should respect that. Back in the day we made pictures but didn’t put it online so the awkward teen phases weren’t portrayed online that much, that changed. That doesn’t mean it’s more of a problem then it was back in the day. You should wear what you love and wear what makes you happy. You shouldn’t wear things because other girls do, you shouldn’t wear things because a boy likes it. Wearing what you love doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t say how much respect you have for yourself that shows trough other things. What is modest in the western world isn’t in other parts of the world so look at yourself what do you define as classy? What do you define as modest? Just dress like that. Wear the things that make you comfortable. I absolutely despise people who comment mean things about girls with a big bum or a larger chest and tell them that because they have that they aren’t classy. Hold on sister, that is the most ridiculous thing ever. I didn’t choose the size of my breasts. If I feel good and classy in a blouse I will wear it. Girls that are fortunate to have that are well aware and they will find ways to go about clothes and to make it their own class this doesn’t happen overnight. Girls with a larger chest wear a lot of cami’s or vest tops but sometimes they still got cleavage. Don’t judge them they can’t help it. I don’t want to be mean but I have seen girls with an A cup with their chest hanging out. That to me is not classy. A girl with larger boobs that wears a thank top in the summer and you can see a bit of cleavage because it’s so hot and she doesn’t notice is classy you know why? She is wearing a bra, she is wearing a top she is living her life and isn’t putting it all out on purpose. You cannot hide what you have this goes for everything, they are there; boobs, a bum doesn’t matter it’s there, you need to work with what you have. Don’t judge girls for it. You didn’t choose the size you have. So cleavage can totally be classy it is just how you go about it.

Social media

If you are young, lock your social media and thank me later. I mean everything, twitter, Instagram, Facebook the whole deal. It’s never wrong to delete the pictures that you do not like but what google sees can never be unseen. I am so happy mum never let me make a blog at 12 can you imagine how awkward that would be now?

Boys

The way you dress and the way you let a boy tread you is a different thing. Young boys really want to get somewhere with girls they want to be experienced they want to be knowledgeable and this doesn’t go for every guy but stay true to who you are and do not let someone use you, you are worth so much more than that. Being used has nothing to do with class it has something to do with your self-esteem where you need to work on and him being an awful person, it has to do with how you have been brought up and how you value yourself, the way you experience things in life and yes how your friends are. It has absolutely nothing to do with being trashy or classy. If someone took advantage of you that is awful, you should talk about it, if you are a minor and it is serious go to the police. Whatever it is it won’t define who you are. Being taken advantage of isn’t your fault or the fault of the clothes you decided to wear.

Let me give you an example: let’s say you kissed a guy right. You don’t regret it that much. You don’t want anything with him but it’s fine both of you are fine. You view it as a mistake and wouldn’t do it again but nothing horrible happened. Right let’s now say that is was at a party or somewhere else right and everyone saw. There is this whole thing and everything gives you trash for it. That doesn’t make you trashy at all, that makes your situation unfortunate. Don’t ever let someone tell you otherwise. Do whatever makes you happy.

Sexual things

It doesn’t have anything to do with class what you do in the bedroom is your thing. Be save, don’t let anyone use you. Don’t do thing you will regret and live your life. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you do it, it doesn’t make you a good person if you don’t. And this is the thing how you go about it makes if you are classy or not. Sometimes things happen and the wrong people find out or the wrong people hear it. So the example I gave about the kissing could be anything. If people give you trash for it and you have your head up and think I am not going to let this effect my life, I am going to be alright. Okay not let’s say this other girl kisses a guy too right and she is lucky because no one saw, no one knew except you but you didn’t tell anyway. Now he didn’t say it, she didn’t say it. You are in the spotlight everyone knows and has an opinion but you don’t regret it one bit but she does. Let’s say that she regrets it so much that she doesn’t want anyone to find out so what she does is talk about you in a bad way. To not let the attention slip to someone else. That makes you more of a classy person. You are old enough to not make a big deal out of it and not tell on others. You don’t care what others say. You made the decision and in that moment you wanted that so you don’t regret it. That’s class, standing behind your decision no matter what. With sexual thing this goes from kissing till more it isn’t so much about what you do but more about who knows. You can do one thing with the wrong person and the school blows up or you can do all these things with all these people and be lucky that you both don’t say anything. Don’t let anyone touch you if you do not want that, don’t show anything to people and stay with the people that make you feel save with. You don’t own anyone anything and you can always say no. By the way what you do in the bedroom and regretting something are two competently different things. What you do in the comfort of your own home does not define you being classy because it’s your choice. If you handle the situation with grace and class. You are a classy woman. Being sexually active doesn’t change anything and doesn’t define you don’t ever let someone make you feel bad for the dissensions you made. Besides if a boy tells on you when you shared something special together, he isn’t a very nice boy.

Mistakes

Here is the thing it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you where save and you do not regret it, there is no problem at all. No matter what other people say. If you stand behind your decision it is okay. Think about this if it was your friend you wouldn’t feel different about her right? You would still love her and support her? Support yourself as you would support a friend. You deserve it. Things happen and making a mistake doesn’t define who you are for your whole life. You can make a mistake and be better the next time. Being classy is about how you handle situation and how you handle life after your mistake. Smart people don’t make the same mistake twice, just be smart.

Relationships

Now people don’t get names for nothing. If you have a name I am so sorry but sometimes it’s like this where there is smoke, there could be fire and you need to figure out if this is the case but it could be just smoke. If you are interested in someone that has a name this is all fine and good but just know beforehand what you are getting yourself into. If it’s nothing, if it’s just smoke it’s fine get into a relationship, it’s okay. If there is a fire don’t do that to yourself, you are worth the world. Respect yourself enough to not do that to you.

Feeling not good enough

If you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone that doesn’t make you feel good enough. Get out, get out of that relationship. Never let yourself think that you aren’t treated right because you aren’t classy enough or because you put a picture on Instagram or whatever. No, if someone doesn’t treat your right, there is the door, get out. He is not in any way shape or form the right person for you. If he or she doesn’t matter in what kind of relationship you are doesn’t respect you, get out. You can always, always get out of a relationship. If someone makes you feel not good enough they do not deserve you, you are worth so much more than that. If they don’t make you feel good enough about yourself get out. You do not deserve to be treated like that, don’t do that to yourself. Same goes for friendship. You shouldn’t question yourself why you aren’t treated right you just need to remember one thing if you respect yourself you shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where others don’t treat you the way you deserve. Being in a bad relationship for let’s say a year is bad but you know what’s worse being in that relationship for a year and 1 day. And yes I quoted dr. Phil.

Language and cussing

The way you talk can come over as not very classy. Cussing a lot doesn’t make you classy but here is the thing. You can always change you can always learn those words off and not using it as much. You can make this decision every day. I don’t think it’s good to curse, I don’t think you should especially because little kids can hear you and I can say from experience it breaks my heart when I hear a little kid curse, they shouldn’t know those words at that age. If you are trying not to do it and are working on it, that makes you a good person. However, there are curse words you. should. not. say. I don’t need to list examples I bet you know plenty of them yourself. If it hurt someone else, you shouldn’t say it at all. If you are with your friends then you can curse all you want, if that is your thing. I am not stopping you but in a professional environment for example at work you shouldn’t do it. I do feel like speaking without those words is better because then you don’t have to think about it if you are in a different space with different people but at the end of the day do you. I don’t think you should be judged by it. People take over words they hear around them so you are more likely to curse if your friends do it then when they don’t. Be respectful towards others in your manners and in the way you speak. You can always change and make the decision. to not curse.

Drinking 

Drinking is this stupid thing right if you drink in a club you are a trashy drunk if you drink at the dinner table in a restaurant for example you order a white wine you are one classy lady. This is so stupid to me and comes back to not judging others. I don’t think drinking is bad, I do feel like you need to drink responsibly. If you can’t handle alcohol don’t drink, everyone has their limit. Learn yours. I drink on occasion, don’t drink if it’s not legal, don’t drink much. If you are younger the alcohol stays in your body longer. It has also to do with your figure and how your body handles it but your body needs time to get the alcohol out of your system this can take up to three days. Never drink two days in a row because the alcohol is still in your body and your limit is reached sooner. You shouldn’t drink to your limit or over, you shouldn’t drink in an environment where you don’t feel save. Being drunk is not classy because you are going to do things that you are going to regret and that you normally wouldn’t do. This is the thing with being intoxicated you will see a boundary and step over it anyway. This is not something you should want to do so don’t. You should not be drunk if you forget who you are and what you stand for. You shouldn’t be drunk period but that’s a different topic I guess. Being drunk is not cool it’s actually really dangerous no matter your age. Be responsible. Getting black out drunk and flashing the club that’s not classy but drinking in a responsible way isn’t defined as trashy, it’s not. As long as you are save, it doesn’t matter. Do what you want to do but be aware of the risks. Remember that a night with diet coke can be as much fun as a night with alcohol, I experienced both and it’s just as fun as you make it. It’s all you not the drinks. Drinking doesn’t make you a trashy person, not drinking doesn’t make you a classy person because you can be very trashy without having a drink. It’s about what you do and not about what you drink.

Girls

You should, always at all times respect other girls. You can definitely not respect their dissension. I love my friends, I don’t love some of their decisions and I know that it’s the same the other way around but I respect them as people. If they are happy that’s fine I would do it differently and thank god that we are all different, right? If someone is in need help them, make sure your friends are save and it doesn’t matter how they handle life then it’s not your place to judge, it’s your place to give advice when they ask and be there for them. We as girls have boys against us. We should stick together. And celebrate each other’s winnings.

Regret

You should not do something to get attention if you are going to regret it later in life. You just shouldn’t. You are not going to feel better if someone tells you that you are pretty. You are not going to feel better if someone used you. You are not going to feel better if you let other define who you are. The choice is yours, always. That goes with self-confidence, it comes from within. Having respect for yourself come from within. Like I said before don’t let anyone touch you or rule over you if you don’t want that. You are your own person and you can always say no and stand up for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should act, how you should dress, how you should talk. By doing that you are going to create a life you might not be proud of this will result in regret and we don’t want that. Stay true to who you are. Don’t let anyone tell you what you need to believe and how you need to feel because I honestly believe that you are classy if you stand up for what you believe in even if you stand alone.

Friends

Friends can in fact change who you are and it’s really hard especially when your just in puberty to just do you. But you should never forget who you are. Whatever you wear never forget you can always put on a…  a cami dress, cami top, vest top under everything you wear. Under a blouse, a crop top, a dress doesn’t matter. If you don’t feel comfortable change it so that you do. A cami top doesn’t have to be expensive you don’t need to have a bunch. If all your friends wear crop tops and you want to but don’t feel comfortable. Put a cami under it, wear high waited jeans, buy the top a size up but make it so that it feels good and then just rock that crop top, girl. Smile, be happy. You are beautiful whatever you wear, however you look. Pick the trends, make it more modest, classier, more you. You are as classy as you put yourself out there. Confidence is all and class comes with that. I’m not saying you can’t wear sexy clothes and not be classy. Because you can, it’s about confidence. I’m just saying you shouldn’t have to because others are.

Nudes

Never ever in the world take them. Never ever sent them. It doesn’t matter who you sent them to. They ALWAYS spread, they ALWAYS do. I don’t care do whatever but if a guy wants to see you naked he can just remember the last time he saw you right? I mean boys are smart they can remember how you look like. They don’t need a picture; they do not forget stuff like that. (some) Boys are disrespectful towards girls and toward nudes don’t put yourself in that situation. That is not an opinion it’s more of a warning.

Slut shaming

Slut shaming doesn’t make you a classy person, it doesn’t even make you a good person in my humble opinion. Girls who hang out with guys aren’t sluts, and no they aren’t doing anything with them. Putting someone else down won’t make you a better person. We are all girls; we are in this together. Let others do them and do you. Don’t put others down, ever. Don’t ever say that guys don’t respect you because of the way other girls handle life.  If a guy doesn’t respect you what on earth are you doing with him? There are so many guys and yes they exist a whole group of them that respect women and value us and if you can’t find a guy like that, stay single.

At the end of the day

If you don’t respect yourself, you should do something about that but if someone else doesn’t respect you that’s a different story. Don’t let that happen, trust me you are worth more.

If you respect yourself and others, you wouldn’t talk about them in a mean or disrespectful way. Being classy doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes you can and you should because it’s a part of growing up it’s about how you handle it. You can always change, regret is a part of life and being classy is something that comes from within. Be happy live life you are going to be alright. Take school seriously, stay true to who you are. Remember who you are and what you stand for. Respect yourself enough to be respected by others. Not everyone will always tread you as the way that you should be threaded. You are worth the world and as long as you know that and as long as you live your life being proud of who you are you are a classy and gorgeous person who deserves the world.

I could go on for hours but I won’t. I would like to know what do you define as classy?

Lots of love, 

Melissa