This is by far the hardest post I have ever made. As you might have noticed I haven’t been uploading that much and I haven’t been active all that often as well. I now feel comfortable enough to tell you why that was. I can tell you I just have been tired and that school is a lot and that I have been busy now all of that is true but that isn’t it. Now I have been busy with exams and stuff but that doesn’t explain everything. Normally my blog shines in the summer but this year it didn’t. I want to explain why. At the end of the day I am making this blog for me and I use it to express myself and to track things about my life.
This… What I am about to tell you is part of my life and from the day I heard and forward it always will be. No matter what happens in my life and what the future holds for me. This is part of my life. If it is here or not, it doesn’t matter I will always carry the weight of going through this.
Now I have gone around it enough…
On April 19th of this year I got diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma which is a form of lymph node cancer.
I can tell you this whole soppy story about it. I can tell you I cried for days on end but… It wouldn’t be the truth. I did cry but not so much. I think it sucks don’t get me wrong but I didn’t cry when I heard it, that actually took a while. This mentality came boiling up. This strength, this feeling to fight and I have been holding onto that ever since. Some days more than other but overall I have been ‘fighting’ and laughing and smiling while doing so.
Here is the thing I went to the doctor because I had a bump in my neck which I felt was very ugly and then I also was sick for a long time in England (I lived there for a while) and all of that resulted in me going to the doctor. Now I didn’t feel sick, at all. I actually had never felt better. I was exercising a lot; I was happy doing the things I liked to do. Now that is the thing looking back I was quit sickly I got sick a couple of times and had this weird cough for about a month. So looking back at that time I am so thankful for everyone that was looking out for me. For everyone that was making sure I was okay because looking back and knowing what I know now. It is actually quit scary. I had never felt healthier and I had never been more sick and all that at the same time.
Now I have all of my chemo done, all the eight treatments. Without having a delay not even once. I am feeling alright. It sucks and it’s terrible. I can’t describe chemo to you, it is the most terrifying thing ever. It makes you sick in order to make you better and you never know how you are going to feel tomorrow. I am waiting now and when I get the doctors okay will have 18 radiation session. After that I will be totally cancer free, hopefully. You know what? I feel so blessed every single day because I am getting better and there is a whole life out there for me and I am going to live it every single day and think how happy I am. Cancer is a strange terrible thing and you are very lucky if you haven’t had it or seen it to close.
Bottom line I don’t want a pity party; I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us. I am not a sad person or someone to feel sorry for. My life isn’t terrible; trust me it could be a lot worse. I am trying to get people aware.
So here is the thing I don’t want to scare anyone or anything but here is the deal the type of cancer I have. It is a type that a lot of young adults gets and one that is easily missed especially by young people. In my hospital I was one of now three young adults with the exact same things. Three in one hospital, that’s a lot. Again I don’t want to scare anyone but being aware might be the thing that saves a life.
So my message is this;
If you ever find yourself having bumbs in places they are not supposed to be
If you ever find yourself being extremely tired without a good reason
If you ever find yourself having loss of strength or not being able to do sports the way you used to.
When you lose a bunch of weight, or gain without explanation
When you feel that even walking is more difficult than before
When you have itching or eczema on your body and it won’t go away
When you feel sick more often or when you get sick it lasts longer (let’s say a cough that lasts a month)
Or anything else that you can’t fully explain…
If anything changes even if you think it’s nothing go, see a doctor. It doesn’t take much to have some blood work done or to just have the doctor keep an eye on it. It might be nothing but it might be a danger to your life. I thought it was nothing but it was a life treating illness and the sooner they find it, the sooner it’s gone.
I might in the future write more about it but for now this is it. I wanted to address it but not evolve my whole blog around it.