I have a confession. I don’t like going out. I really actually sort of dislike it very much *gasp*. I know how awful of me. I just hope someone reads this and tells me they feel the same.
When I was younger I thought I was the only one, I though everyone loved going out. Now if you are a bit young, I would recommend skipping this post all together. But bottom line not everyone likes going out.
When I was about 14 I went out for the first time, it was the young people night and it was quit far away. Now this was once a month and we didn’t go once a month. So when we did go, I did enjoy it. I love spending time with friends and I had fun dancing and listening to music. When I turned sixteen the legal drinking age was also sixteen back then. So we went to clubs and bars that allowed sixteen year olds, it was fun. From time to time. I again didn’t go much because my friends and I at the time really liked house parties. So we had a bunch of those. I loved those, I could sit and talk to people. That is my definition of a good night.
When I turned eighteen it became a lot more fun. When I was seventeen they changed the law, it was this whole thing. Bottom line we could only drink again when we turned eighteen. An interesting thing for my generation. Now I have never been a big drinker. But dancing and standing the whole night is a bit easier when you aren’t sober. I don’t mean drunk. I am very responsible and would never put myself in a situation I can’t get out of.
Now drinking so much you need to throw up probably isn’t fun either but I know my limits and that has never happened to me. Yes, I am very proud of that fact.
Going out is about letting your hair down, it’s about dancing and maybe also about getting kissed on your lips. Now I don’t really like to be kissed on the lips by people I don’t know so for me that isn’t fun. Now I can dance which is nice but I don’t want to do that the whole night, it’s very tiring. And for the drinking, I can do that in the comfort of a chair anywhere else.
I like to be comfortable, and most of all I love to be able to talk to people I am enjoying my time with. Now I am also anxious about meeting new people but that isn’t it. I am not that uncomfortable in that aspect when I go out. Not true really, I am. But I try to push myself to do things that I am anxious about. I don’t have an anxiety disorder so I try to push myself out of my comfort zone. Which isn’t the option for everyone. I just simply don’t know what to do with myself. Where to put my hands, what to do with my face. I feel so awkward all the time. As well as the fact that I am quit tall which makes me feel as if I stand out a whole lot. I don’t but the feeling doesn’t seem to go.
I don’t like going out and I know that I don’t have to. You don’t have to like something others enjoy. I like things other might not like that much. All of that is okay but I always feel that I have to like it. Now that might be my own problem but it’s still there. I think accepting that I dislike it has helped me a ton but the thing is I am a home body so I feel that I need to step away from my comfortable home once in a while. After a while you forget it as well.
You forget how terrible it is and you actually think it’s such a good idea. So you decide to go again, you put on a cute outfit, you put on nice make-up. And then you are in the club or bar and you think to yourself. Right, I didn’t like this what so ever. Going out is one of those things that I might not enjoy but do anyway because it isn’t half as terrible as I just made it sound. It’s fun to dance the night away once in a blue moon. So there I am putting on my grey converse, sighing to myself. Putting on my brightest smile and thinking ‘this time might be different, it might be better’. And you know what? It actually might be.