The first term of University has ended and oh boy it was a ride, and a wild one at that. I never expected to doubt myself on abilities I never doubted myself on before. I always loved writing and was very good at it but writing a professional academic essay is something entirely different. Every step of the way of writing the essay I didn’t know what on earth I was doing, at least I can say that I have learned a lot of things. I also know what I want to do differently next time. Which is a great thing. It was difficult but I never expected I could work this hard and enjoy myself every step of the way. I love psychology, I had subjects I found rather difficult this term. We can’t choose our own subjects the first year in the country where I am from. So your major is rather set. I really wouldn’t have chosen these two modules to start with so it might be a good thing that it is set in stone. Especially stats is a hard thing for me, mainly because I wasn’t so keen on the teacher. Now this term I did learn that it shouldn’t have stopped me from doing my best. Now I did work hard but I do think I could have put more of myself into the subject and trying to truly understand. I always feel so discouraged when I have terrible teachers. A subject truly is more difficult if you don’t like the teacher, it’s not an excuse but poor teaching skills are a death sentence to enjoying a subject. This is also a big reason why I didn’t pursue a career in (primary school) teaching. Not because I couldn’t be a teacher because I could have been. But I knew that I wouldn’t be the best teacher and I didn’t think that was fair to the children I would be teaching as well as to myself. I think that you need to study (teach) something you truly love and enjoy.
I also had an introduction course of some sorts, which was really lovely. It was about the brain and behaviour. It was difficult at times because biology had been a subject I hadn’t really had for a couple of years. I loved everything I was doing but I was doubting my abilities so much. Which I don’t find a strange thing giving the fact that I never seriously thought about attending a research university until I was attending an applied science university. I noticed then that 1: It all came quit naturally to me, which made it too easy. Which I noticed wasn’t the same for other students. (the most important reason) 2: I wasn’t academically challenged, which I really wanted and really was hoping for. 3: I wasn’t happy in myself and therefor I didn’t like my environment, I really wanted a new and different start.
The last one might be a terrible reason to change schools. Therefor it wasn’t my main reason at all. But when I got my propedeuse and picked it up. I turned to my dad and said: “I am never coming back to this school” and I never did. I am the kind of girl that sets her mind to a certain thing and she will achieve that goal not matter what it takes. Which is also why I took my gap/maths year. Because getting all my credits almost got me emotionally and physically. It was easy in the brain department but going to school (especially for stupid classes) was very difficult. Every day I came home being tired, not being able to relax, having tons to do. The hardest part was that none of it challenged me, it never challenged me academically which was the most difficult thing to wrap my head around because everyone had always said that the step to an applied science university is a big one. It would be difficult, it wouldn’t be doable. The only hard thing was the intense set of contact hours. They were so off on their maths. You can’t put work on for 40 hours a week and also expect people to attend school at least 6 hours every day. That doesn’t work, it doesn’t happen. That combined with the hour (at least) to go to school and my poor health I wasn’t always able to go to class (most of the classes where compulsory). So I needed to do a lot of replacement assignments which where mindnumingly boring but so much work. At the end I was really resenting the whole thing and not loving it as much as I did before. I really stopped loving what I was doing and to me that was a problem. I really felt like that school was draining all the love I had for a subject out of me.
I fell back in love with psychology again, even if it wasn’t exactly the subjects and the courses I thrive at. I loved it, every single day I was liking what I was doing. Yes, it was hard work but I didn’t mind it that much. I think that is the most important thing is the that you love what you are doing. This term I learned that I am clever enough to be able to do the courses. I am able to work hard and I know what I am doing for the most part. I loved this semester and I hope the next one will be just as great.