Personal

Doubt

When I was in high school we needed to choose subjects to take. Now this wasn’t difficult for me. It was the game of elimination for the most part. It was rather simple. I had to take English and Dutch because they where mandatory, I had to take Maths because it was a highly advised subject to take. I dropped geography, art and German because I wasn’t great at those subjects, besides that I didn’t enjoy them at all. I took what I did love, so I took history, economics, biology, french and chemistry. I dropped the last two my final year. I also had P.E. for four years. It broke my heart dropping chemistry but looking back now it was for the best.

Choose one path now, isn’t the same as burning bridges

Later on I had to choose classes when I was at college, I choose ‘special kids’ which was very interesting about children with special needs (like ADHD, Autism but also things like an eating disorder) and helping them in the classroom. It was positive focused and thought us how to use these children’s personalities for good. How to make a child that can’t sit still, shine (get the best out of themselves) in a classroom environment. I also took P.E. and everyone said I was ‘stupid’ for choosing that over art but I chose with my heart and doing that hasn’t let me down.

I belief wholeheartedly that everything will turn out alright

In university we choose a major and have no room for choosing your own classes the first year. In second year you have a these different so called ‘study paths’ which have mandatory classes as well as electives but you can also shuffle it around a bit. Now I have been feeling very strange. Thinking about my future and about what I want to do in my life.

When I was three I knew I was going to be a preschool teacher. I am a long way way away from that idea however I don’t know at this moment what I want to be and do when I am living the adult life. What master should I do? Is a PHD a track I want to keep open? W hat are my options if I chose with my heart?

Here is the thing, if you do what you love it doesn’t matter what you are doing

When we had presentations about the study paths. I didn’t know, I simply wasn’t sure. Then a teacher said something really interesting. He said “It doesn’t matter at all, so just do something you love. Pick something that makes you happy”. So I did, I made a decision which I am still holding on to till this day. Here is the thing, when I make a decision, I stick with it. But arriving at the discion is something internally different. I also have to choose subject in my unscheduled times. That is where doubt kicks in, who am I? what do I want to do? What will make me happy?

I might never know, I might never have the true answers. and that is scary.

But it won’t. it will turn out alright, it usually does.

lots of love,
Melissa

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