For some reason I think I never truly thought I would say this. I have been looking into master programs and for some odd reason the research masters really caught my eye. I don’t know why, exactly. I suppose I never truly though science was for me. Being a scientist is something I find hard to explain as a career. Besides that it is something that I never thought of. Even when I knew I needed to go to a research university. I never did it to become a researcher, to start a career in science.
when I was at the school for applied psychology. The teacher asked me if I wanted to be a ‘real’ scientist. I told her I wasn’t sure as I had never done real science. (She didn’t like this as she felt strongly that what we were doing was science, which in my opinion it was not). She then proceeded to tell me that she thought I was better suited staying where I was and as she put it ‘working with people’ I however didn’t stay. This stayed with me. That I wasn’t good enough, science is a very hard career and not a lot of people ‘make’ it so to speak so this stuck with me. I should just choose the easy way and not do science. This is very stupid though because whatever career you will end up it will have struggles and social science is a cut throat career path anyway with so many people graduating, how can it not be?
I have found over the last few weeks that I really do like science.
In science you not just help one person. You are not trying to make one persons life better but you are targeting the masses. Imagine getting closer to finding things for people with Alzheimers, to help the world find a way to determine who gets it and who doesn’t. To find a way for people to cope with illness.
Doing hard work and seeing that what you thought, what the literature said is true. That is amazing. It makes you bubble inside with happiness. We had made this questionnaire and we where so excited to write out how we could make it better. What people could do for replication. How we got our results and how they could be better. But also what they mean.
Sometimes I am working on a project and I really think. If I just had some more time. If I just had some more ways to research. If I didn’t have to hand it in in a week while taking three classes this would be so much better. It would be absolutely amazing. Everything I don’t like in doing research seems to disappear when I one know what the heck I am doing but also when I want to know the results. When I am invested in the topic.
This probably sounds silly but the most important reason I am thinking about this career path is that I simply don’t see myself doing anything else. I used to have this very clear picture in my mind what I wanted to do when I was young. Which is funny, I always said that I wanted to be a teacher but I think I really wanted to be a lecturer as that is the picture I always had in mind. But now picturing myself. I hardly see anything. I see a lot of things. I see myself writing books, teaching (yes, stil), working in a hospital but also just doing research and working on bettering the world. I don’t see myself one thing. I see myself doing a bunch of things and the thought of having to chose one of them. It makes my heart sink.
Most of all I see myself being happy with doing something I find important and worth while. For now, I am not sure and that is a scary place to be.