I once had a friend named Mary

As far as fake names go, I really like the name Mary. For some reason it fits the friendship I wanted to talk about today. I decided on an alias not because I don’t remember this person’s name but because we haven’t been in contact for several years. I don’t know the reason for that but I feel in that case I should protect her identity as much as I can. Besides that, it wouldn’t change anything in the story so using her real name will not add anything. I also am a bit unsure about the spelling, so she will be named Mary. This is the story I have wanted to tell for such a long time but I could never find the right words. I could never put across how much this friendship thought me and how some bonds are just strong without you ever meaning them too. It wasn’t what we talked about, it wasn’t how much we ‘saw’ each other or rather that we didn’t. It was just uncomplicated friendship. We had such similar interest, it was simply nice. It was a friendship that thought me more about myself and I suppose that is why it was so memorable.

So once I had a friend names Mary, we met online as a lot of friendship did back then. If you were part of the same group you would have an instant connection.

I met this person online years ago, I was still in Highschool. We started chatting online through reply’s first and eventually dm’s. I don’t know who slide in whose dm’s I am pretty sure she did in mine. But years later know I suppose it doesn’t matter. She was a bit older than me I think it was roughly 2 years older this means she would be 25/26 now. She really worked hard to become successful and she really valued that. We talked a ton about how friendship is also very important and how social connection can boost your happiness which in turn can boost your productivity and drive. How like minded people will pull you up and will make you want to be better.

Sometimes I wonder if it was real…

At first she didn’t have a picture of herself but later on she did. I never talked in detail to anyone. My parents where always really passionate about teaching me how to be save on the internet. I would never tell anyone my surname, I wouldn’t tell them where I lived. I wouldn’t tell them my parents name or where I went to school, nor did I ever take a picture of or closely around my house. Which all of that isn’t necessary to tell anyone, anyway when you are young. So I never feared that anyone would harm me and I did talk to someone else for a while who was mentally not alright I suppose. Back then I had a hard time blocking someone as I thought it was sad and upsetting to them. Here is the thing. This girl. It all seems legit, she had a picture of herself , she talked about her life and her family. There was nothing odd about her story. Yet still, for the last couple of years I have been thinking how odd the whole thing was. But maybe it was just the way it was and there was nothing behind it. Either way, whoever it was I valued their friendship, it never put me in harms way so I can think fondly of our friendship.

I still, think about her sometimes.

It catches me in the middle of no where, in the middle of the day or late at night. When suddenly I just… I hope she is alright. I do truly wish her nothing but the best. I hope she is happy, that she is triving. That she is making all the dreams come true that we chatted so much about. I met her as an really upstanding great individual with a lot of drive and a lot of kindness in her heart and I do not want to belief any of that was fake. I do think now that maybe all the rest might have been but that wasn’t it couldn’t have been. Even if it was all true.. I don’t know.

To this day I cannot tell you why I felt such a strong connection to this girl. Why out of all people I met (and don’t talk to anymore) how our story makes me feel the most. It truly touched me. I think this was because how we met was never what bonded us together. I am pretty sure we hardly even talked about music. We talked about our hobby’s, schoolwork, jobs. We talked about how we felt, what made us happy, what we did to unwind. We where or I suppose are both people that asked a lot from ourselves. We both wanted to do so much but we both felt that doing all of that wasn’t enough. I think it was our strength that we saw ourselves in the other person. In a sense it really helped me. Because I took a hard look in the mirror and released that there is strength is found in when they purposefully say no to something.

No goodbye’s

She had strict parents. She mainly talked about her mum so I suppose she was from a single parent household but I am not sure about this. Her mum was strict so she told me. So she was working long days and long hours but she did always find time to chat. Friendship with someone online can be much stronger than in real life. There are a lot of people on the internet who truly are anxious about going out there and making friends. I wasn’t such a person but I have noticed that for these people it was a bit easier to make friends online. To skype instead of meet in real life. I think that making connection online isn’t less valuable than meeting someone in real life. I also belief that it’s something that isn’t for everyone. Just getting out there and chatting with strangers is weird and maybe even dangerous. It is however a way for people that have a hard time making friends to have really strong connections. For me it was a way to explore another language and to learn to express myself in various different ways. I think this is valuable and it shouldn’t be underestimated.

To whomever was behind that computer screen, thank you for your friendship. I really liked you Mary, I wish you nothing but the best.

Lots of love, Melissa

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