Life has been hard, for everyone this year. However I always take this special day, to be extra thankful. No matter the circumstances, it’s a good day on december 6th. It is not a special day for everyone. It’s not famous, it is not interesting. But to me, and my family this day is the absolute best. To me it’s the most important day of all. Yes, even better than my birthday.
On the blog I have talked at length about my struggles, about the fact that I have been sick. It’s funny in a sense because I am not so open in life. That is what this blog gives me, the strength to reflect, to cherish. There are days we can’t forget, like the that one day in April when I knew. However, there are also days, we never want to forget.
Over the years, I have been going up and down with my emotions a lot. I haven’t been feeling the absolute best. Especially this year has felt like one big slope down. I dislike this feeling because it actually makes me feel horrible about how I feel. I got a second chance at life. I feel in a sense that I should grab it, love it. That I should celebrate life, every step of the way. It makes me feel in a way that I am ungrateful. Which I am not, but I feel that should be so much more grateful than I can actually feel.
Truth is, I am not all that more grateful than before. Life didn’t change in so many ways and in others it did. It changed in a way I didn’t want it to, and it didn’t change what I wouldn’t have minded to let go of. Life isn’t an endless string of moments. It’s an endless string of feelings, knitted together in pattern which is your life. As Christmas is coming closer (and I do love me some Christmas). I remember once again how lucky I am to see another year. I don’t think we need to jump up and down every waking moment after something horrible happend to us. However I do find it’s good to at least once a year, feel it in our bones. To cherish life, not for what it gave us but for how it can make us feel.
Lastly, I want to you to know. Especially if this feeling is in any way familiar to you. There is no reason, none at all to view, to see or to change life in any way, shape or form. It’s good enough to be fine, to not feel grateful. To feel content but not happy all the time (truth is, no one can be) Because I am not, not more than I was a lifetime ago. However today, on December 6th.