Diary

2020

What a year it has been, what a world we are living in today. Last year we couldn’t have expected life to be the way it is today. Over the last few weeks of december I like to reflect and to think about what I want to do next. However, I like to be cautious with this as well. I do not see it helpful to make a big list of all the things you want to change because it is the first of January. I hate to say it but if you can’t do it on the 27th of February, the 15th of July or the 9th of december. You will not be doing it on the first of January. And that my dear reading, is okay. 

As far as years go, this might have been the hardest cumulative year for the world. However honestly for our family there have been blessings. My parents both have very secure jobs. My mum works in hospital but hasn’t had Covid yet, which truly is a blessing. My brother moved out this year and went on to a new job. He got a cat and has real settled in his new house. My granddad (the last grandparent I have on this earth) is still happy and healthy. I got my drivers license and the cats are thriving. And last but not least, my parents bought a new house (exciting posts coming about my new room at the end of the year). Therefor I can’t even begin to think how the year was for some of you. I do emphasise though. This year has been hard on my mental health. However we have had horrible years over the last five years or so, so it’s in a sense nice for our family to be spared, for once. I am eternally grateful for that.

As far as my blog goes, which for me is a hobby. I don’t know, I haven’t been putting in the time. In addition to that, I feel sometimes very dissatisfied. I haven’t really this past month. As I did put time and effort into my posts and it came more easily to me. I write from my heart, I write how I talk. Honestly and without much of a filter. However I have struggles with my blog. I have had this in the past. It wasn’t that I wasn’t excited or that I couldn’t think of anything to write about. Mostly it was about how I wanted to make it all look. Which is such an idiotic thing to think about. Yet, I still do. Then my camera broke, which I will be talking about in the future because I cannot belief what happend to me.I remember September 2014, where I didn’t know what I was doing and the way my blog looked was cute, it was the best of my ability. I like the way that you read here, I can’t thank you enough.

But it feels in so many ways as if I am writing to no one, so I always write the way I enjoy. I put out what I would like to see. I like films and books, yet I didn’t go to filmschool nor do I want to. I also do not have a degree in English or any other language. I just talk about what I enjoyed about films and what I didn’t. I might in a sense still be stuck in 2014 but I don’t like all the things that ‘influencer’ culture is now a days. I am still just a girl in my bedroom trying to tell you about things I enjoy. I never really get any comment and that used to hurt me a lot, I can see the clicks. I can see you all here. However I found that I should never put value in how many people say how cool it is. I don’t promote my blog, I don’t talk about it in real life. Yet still, you found me. You are reading here and therefor I want to thank you.

Blogging is like talking to a brick wall hoping something will stick, I found however that I enjoy whatever I do. I really love talking to you about this film I saw, or this one shampoo that makes my hair look great. Yet, I also talk about my struggle. I really love looking at my old blog, some posts are embarrassing but it’s fun for me to look back at my life. I can’t wait to look back at this post years from now and see how I feel.  I never really make to do lists for the new year with all my plans. I am still on the ‘school schedule’ making September first an important yet. However I did look at my old posts and saw 2015, where I focused on all the things I was still going to do. 2017, where I did make goals but forgot them. I did however get to go to University, so snaps for me. 2018, where I felt there was so much more to do. 2019, oh if we had known. This year, I did make a small list of things I like to accomplish which I will be keeping private. I will probably talk about it later in the year, if I didn’t forget that is. 

Sometimes it’s good for you to look back. To see where you come from. To really truly feel the blessings you have experienced on your heart. Even if times are tough, so are you. And I want you to know that even if Januari first isn’t a good day, even if you fall of the wagon with your goals there is always the 27th of February, the 15th of July or the 9th of december. Because if you can do it January first, you can do it any day. 

 

Happy new year. 

Lots of love, Melissa

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.