Once upon a time..
Have you ever thought to yourself: “This would have been a funny story if it wasn’t so horrible”? I admit I have had this thought quite a few times in my life. This week for example was actually exactly like that. As I have been saying for the last few weeks, I have not been feeling my best with blogging. I have ideas and inspiration but I feel as if there is no time. I am always trying to catch up to life. Running towards goals and accomplishments, never slowing down. This master has been giving me this feeling so much. Honestly, working four days a week and doing classes, it shouldn’t be allowed. Looking at the program it would make much more sense to make it a two-year program but obviously they don’t want to do that. I do think that when I have my internship finished it will be a bit more manageable as I will not be in one place for four days a week. Thus, I could, hopefully, plan my days in such a way that fits my natural rhythm. Waking up roughly at six isn’t something that works for me in this season of my life.
As I said, it feels as if I am forever running behind. Running behind doing the things that I should do. Feeling conflicted about the things I should post. Feeling that if I chose one thing I am in fact neglecting another. This is, in many ways the truth. This past week I have learned that sadly there can come a day where you can’t do anything at all. Where the world can crumble around you and you can only sit and watch. Alright, this might be overly dramatic. This however doesn’t make it less true. Now, you might wonder what is going on. Overcome with heat, low blood sugar, and stress I fainted. This might not be the worst thing in the world. You might have fainted before, it can be scary, and if you hit something on the way down it’s not very good. But it’s generally just terrible but not the worst thing that can happen. I suppose it was the first time I fainted. However, my experience was horrible as I not only hit my head so hard I have a concussion. I fainted ON A BUS, yes truly. In the middle of the bus, I just dropped. I don’t ever recommend laying on a bus flour because it is gross. So there I was on a bus floor with a painful head. My head has been hurting a lot but I can now finally be on my computer for longer than 30 minutes. Which truly is a win. So, that was my week, hope yours was a lot better. We will persist though, although I now truly appreciate being behind on everything. Oh well, one day it will be better. Hopefully.
When I reminisce about life and I think back to all those days ago that I started my blog. I can still clearly see it. In a sense, I have been feeling a sort of loss lately. Why I started, where I was sitting. We are moving very soon and although I am happy, I have no memories of our old house. So in my memory, I never lived anywhere else. To say goodbye to a place where I grew up, to say goodbye to all the highlights, to the good times. It’s hard, it feels really odd. On another note, I have been through so many horrible things as well, so the other side of the coin is that it is good to make a fresh start. It’s so weird and I never knew that moving could be such a two-way street. That it can feel really good and really bad at the same time. Another thing I suppose I feel with this is that I do not plan to live in this new house for years to come. But I also feel a lot of people move in with roommates or a partner at my age but I do not really feel I want to do that. Not that I couldn’t. I honestly think I could run a household by myself with no problem. I have the ability and skill. The thing is I love living with my family. I love talking about my day with my parents. I love having them around me. I like that they also have their own lives and that we can all do what we enjoy. I just love my family so much that I do not want to live somewhere else. But saying that, it feels very strange so I usually beat around it a bit. Saying it is cheap (which it is), and that I don’t mind because I love my family (also true). But mostly it’s just nice for some else to pick up the slack when you mentally or physically just can’t. I love helping my family but I also love it when they help me. What works with this, I think is that I lived away from my family when I was eighteen and after that I did want to live by myself but over the year I really learned to appreciate my family. Here is the thing, generally speaking when you move out… You never move back. So moving out forever never calling the place my parents call home my home again. Yes, let me wait a bit on that.
Sigh, we have been through a lot the last few years. But I never gave up on my love for photography, writing, entertainment but most importantly English. Sometimes I ‘lose’ my sense of creativity. But then on days like today, it all flows back in and I feel so happy and blessed. I honestly hope it never goes away, this is why I started. This is why I do what I do. This is why it’s worth it and this is why I thank you. Blogging is one of those surreal things where you are just talking to a wall and it feels you are in a sense alone on your rock shouting for someone to hear. But then, people do.
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Lots of love,