As you might have read in last Sundays posts is that I was involved in Honours this year. It was quite a bit of work. Ten lecture you have to find and choose voluntary. A lot of meetings and different training days as well. It was really great and I thought it was something I did truly want. Before I started school I really thought I wanted to pursue honours. The enrichment of it, the academic things I would bring. I was going to do it and it was going to be great.
At the end
of the year I had to hand in my final paper about the whole experience and I
thought about the things that I wanted to get back from the experience, what I
thought it would bring me. What I thought I would learn, where I would grow as
a person. Turns out it wasn’t truly a fit.
I didn’t want to see it at first. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I could choose that I didn’t want it the way they do it. That I didn’t need to find friends, that I wasn’t looking for the community aspect. I am an introvert by heart. Someone that likes people but also love to sit alone. Someone that in all honesty doesn’t like most social obligations University life has to offer. Thinking about putting even more of that on my plaid I thought, no thanks.
Which for me was such a brave decision. As I don’t give up, not ever. Not even when I should. So I won’t pursue honours. But I don’t think I failed. I passed my first year of honours and they would have been blessed to have me (lol). But it wasn’t for me, and seeing that. It shows me that I grew a lot this year, as a person. Not everything you want at first is something you wil want forever. Seeing that, choosing yourself. It’s a blessing.