And do not feel I failed

As you might have read in last Sunday’s posts, I was involved in Honours this year. It was quite a bit of work. Ten lectures you have to find and choose voluntarily. A lot of meetings and different training days as well. It was great and I thought it was something I truly wanted before I started school. The enrichment of it, the academic things I would bring. I was going to do it and it was going to be great.

At the end of the year, I had to hand in my final paper about the whole experience and I thought about the things that I wanted to get back from the experience, what I thought it would bring me. What I thought I would learn, and where I would grow as a person. Turns out it wasn’t truly a fit.

I didn’t want to see it at first. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I could choose that I didn’t want it the way they do it. I am an introvert by heart. Someone who likes people but also loves to be alone. Someone who in all honesty doesn’t like most social obligations University life has to offer. Thinking about putting even more of that on my plate I thought, no thanks.

Which for me was such a brave decision. As I don’t give up, not ever. Not even when I should. So I won’t pursue honours. But I don’t think I failed. I passed my first year of honours but continuing wasn’t for me, and seeing that shows me that I grew a lot this year, as a person.

Not everything you want at first is something you will want forever. Seeing that, choosing yourself. It’s a blessing.

Lots of love,

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