Personal

Friendship

I want to talk about a hard subject today, I want to talk about friendship. I have been looking at my laptop for what feels like hours. The thing I want to talk about is different for everyone and every situation. It’s not just being a different person
today, I want to talk about friendship. I have been looking at my laptop for what feels like hours. The thing I want to talk about is different for everyone and every situation. It’s not just being a different person but also them being a different person.

People react differently to things that you say, friendship is different for everyone in every way shape and form. If you have the same conversation with the same people, it is going to be a different conversation. Because they are different and so are you because you aren’t the same person with everyone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that you are different. Everyone is. With some friends you can joke around while with others you can’t. That’s okay, different isn’t necessarily wrong. It’s a hard subject, friendship is hard and I still want to talk about it but to quote my best friend.

“How does one talk about friendship”

And to be honest. I don’t know I think you really can. It’s different for everyone, this is how I feel about friends and you may see it differently but let’s talk about that. I want to talk about being best friends.

You have guy best friends and girl best friends. Because you have males and females. I am a girl and I have a best friend and that person happens to be a guy and I think that there is nothing wrong with that. A girl best friend (I also have had a girl best friends in the past) is different. I have had a lot of girl “best friends”, they came and they went. I have had one best guy friend in my life, we are still very close. We have known each other for five years going on six. He is the most amazing person I know. He is lovely and inspiring. He is the person I can call up at 3 a.m. I don’t have a word to describe what my friendship with him is like and people don’t get it. Only we do and that’s okay.

When we first met we didn’t even really like each other much but we had a lot of free periods between classes and it was just the two of us. So we were forced to be or bored out of our minds or talk. And we did just that and we became close. I can’t even describe him. No words are enough to say what it feels like to be best friends with him. I have had a lot of friends but a true friendship is rare but it does exist. If you found it, you don’t ever want to let that go. It’s not seeing each other for a year and then after five minutes feeling like you have seen each other yesterday. It’s knowing that you are there for one another, it is telling each other everything. Asking each other for advice, laughing about things that happened in life. It’s being honest and truly being yourself without that being a problem. It’s liking each other for just being you.

I have nothing against girl best friends. My girlfriends make me happy. We see each other all the time and do a lot of stuff together like sleepovers, hanging out, going to a pub and so one but they don’t know everything. I don’t tell everyone everything about my life, that’s not who I am. He is the person I tell everything too; I love my girlfriends but they just don’t know everything or they don’t get it the way he does. We do have things we don’t really talk about like boyfriend’s/girlfriends things like that but sometimes we do and if one of us really wants to talk about that we both know that we could.

“It’s being honest and truly being yourself without that being a problem. It’s liking each other for just being you”.

A guy best friend is different than a girl best friend and this is the thing. Friendship is different for everyone because you and me are not the same person and even if we would have the same best friend that person would be different with you because we are different people. I love my friends, all of them but there are a lot of things about guys and girl being best friends and how that is impossible for a guy that is into girls and a girl that is into guys to be best friends. Without falling in love of whatever and that you can’t truly be friends like a like a girl-girl or a guy-guy can. People talk about all these problems and that you really can’t be best friends. That’s not right, at all. Friendship isn’t about seeing problems and already solving problems before they happen.

There is no one in this world who I trust more and who is more genuine then my best friend. He is the person that I know the longest, that I share the most with. If you have a bad day, the person that you turn to that is your best friend. You want to talk to this person about your day or about something else to forget the day. That person is your best friend, he or she just is. He is that for me. We can make fun of each other, have a laugh, be mad at each other or have the most amazing time. He is just from a different gender. I don’t get the double standard because if he was a girl or I was a guy. There wouldn’t be any problem, there wouldn’t be anything. Everyone would applaud us for being friends and nothing would be different.

Everyone just assumes and that is so weird. That is honestly the only really difficult thing about being friends with someone from the opposite sex. People assume that you like each other, people assume that you are dating. People assume that you kissed or that you want to. People assume that you secretly like each other and people assume that you are going to be dating soon. It’s been almost six years. We are still not dating. So.. Yea. it’s alright to stop assuming. It’s just not true. And if it was there would be zero reason to keep it a secret.

 “Friendship isn’t about seeing problems and already solving problems before they happen”.

To people that wonder, I always say “we are friends, you are not going to fall in love with me right?” and then they will say “yes but I am into guys”. The I’ll explain that you don’t love every guy you meet some are nice but you don’t have feeling for some you have feelings but they aren’t fun to talk to or whatever. If I would be a guy right now my girl best friends wouldn’t fall in love with me because they don’t like me like that. Same for my best friend and I. I love him but I am not in love with him and that is the difference.

I honestly feel like friendship with someone from the opposite gender is so much stronger than friendship with someone from the same gender but maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s just different. Because if someone is from the same gender, it’s easy. You can go out together and do sleepovers (for girls this is I don’t know about guys). You go to parties together, you hang out, you go on holiday together. You are in the same groups; you always hang out. You have all these things. My best friend and I don’t have that. We are very busy and if one of us isn’t the other one is. So we don’t see each other a lot, at all. We just text each other, and meet from time to time.

There are people in this world who make your world a bit better and that person is a friend. If you found someone like that. I don’t know, I don’t get the stigma to it. If you found someone who makes you a happy person. It’s amazing isn’t it? It’s wonderful finding people like that. Just meeting someone that makes you feel like you are your best self, who inspires you but also tells you if you are wrong. If you found someone you genuinely care about, you are not going to give that up because it is a girl or a boy. Right? that would be weird. I love my friends and always want them to be the best version of themselves, when I meet people that feel the same way. I hold them close.

“There wouldn’t be any problem, there wouldn’t be anything. Everyone would applaud us for being friends and nothing would be different”.

A best friend for me is someone who is cares and listens if I need them to. Someone who wants to try new things because I enjoy them, the same the other way around. They want to show me the things that they love because the things that you love to do make you who you are. If you don’t support or understand that as a friend, why are you friends? Tell me secrets and opinions but also give me room to do the same.

He gets me.  I have had a lot of friends in my life and I have known a lot of people. I have never had someone I could just tell everything too. He just understands me, how I feel or think about something without me having to say it, sometimes he doesn’t and sometimes I don’t get him but that’s okay. That’s learning from each other. That’s one thing we do, we are both so different that at least for me I learn a lot about things that I wouldn’t normally care about but I do care because he does. (same goes for other friends, you learn from the things that make you different).

But to be honest. He is amazing and if I had that exact same thing with a girl trust me she would be my best friend hands down but I just never had that with a girl. But that’s okay because all friendships are different and not one is the same. I am very fortunate to have him in my life. Now don’t think it’s all butterflies and rainbows having a guy best friend because it’s not. He has his annoy things like being late and I probably have things that annoy him but you have that in every friendship.

People are weird because you can kind of fall in love with this stranger on the street or a member of a band or this guy on TV. You can have a crush on them or be amazed how amazing they are or how good they look and that’s not weird to people. No, having a boy as a best friend however is the weirdest thing.  Friendship is a type of love but it isn’t the kind of boyfriend girlfriend kind of love. People need to understand that that is very different.

“I love my friends and always want them to be the best version of themselves, when I meet people that feel the same way. I hold them close”.

What I also heard a lot is that girls say “my best friend is like a brother to me” but that’s so weird to me a “brother?” really? I have one of those and I adore him but that’s a very different kind of relationship.

Friendship is hard to talk about and even harder to find. Friendship is one of the hardest and most difficult things in life because with family your kind of know that they will be around. This is not for everyone but for me and my life that is how it is. With friendship you never know, if someone is going to leave you. That’s scary. I have had a lot of friends but I also lost a lot of them. I don’t think everyone understands the meaning of being ‘best friends’. Girls are much quicker to call another girl a best friend or to say “she is like my sister”. For guys it’s different. For a girl and a guy to be best friends it’s harder. You need to make it work, you need to be comfortable with each other. You can’t text once in a while at least for us we don’t see each other much, we don’t live next door, we are busy people, we don’t see each other much, we don’t go to the same school anymore. The only thing we do do often is texting. If there is something wrong, we need to notice by texting. We need to tell each other and that can be a bit hard. It depends on the person because all the girls that I know with a guy best friend have different friendships then my friend and I have. I also heard a lot of people falling out because one of them is in a relationship, I don’t really know how that is but that’s strange. I think you should never stop communicating; you need to make time for each other like you normally would. Let your boyfriend/girlfriend now “this is my best guy/girl friend. I love this person there is nothing between us and you need to be okay with us being friends. It’s the same with my other friends, nothing is going on. I love my friends but I am in love with you”. It’s tragic if a friendship end because of a relationship.

If you meet someone who understands you and gets you. If you meet someone who without you saying anything understands. Then it doesn’t matter where that person lives, how that person looks like or what gender that person has. Because that person is your best friend, if you click with someone why wouldn’t you be best friends?

“Friendship is hard to talk about and even harder to find. Friendship is one of the hardest and most difficult things in life”. 

For all those people who still don’t get it. And still think that a girl and a guy hanging out are immediately dating. alright mate if we were dating you would be the first to know but we are freaking not and before you assume, there is a thing called asking. I love to spent my life with the people I care about and if that person is a guy that’s alright and if that person is a girl that’s alright as well, That’s it. As long as your friends make you feel like you are worth it, as long as they make you feel loved. When they accept you for being you and you being able to be in love with other people and being involved with other people. As long as you two accept each other and each other’s morals. Just be friends. If you only want to be friends with someone from the same gender, you are missing out. You are missing out big time on the most amazing people you have ever met.

It takes a while to be best friends with a guy but it is a very special kind of friendship that you just want for everyone. Just be honest, communicate and be interested in each other. Communication is important for every friendship. I could go on four hours and story after story.

At the end of the day friendship is a hard subject and different for everyone. It’s also something amazing that builds you up and that shows you who you are. Just find someone that you care about and that cares about you, a friendship is born just like that.

So to summarize it:

  • Being able to talk about everything with each other
  • Having mutual respect for one another
  • Don’t step away from friendship because of problems that might happen in the future
  • Trust is the most important thing about friendship
  • Being able to be interested in someone else’s hobby’s
    Friendship doesn’t only teach you about others but also about yourself
  • Don’t stress it, friendship happens when you are nice and intrested in others. Just be a nice person and nice people will come along

Tell me about your friends? And do you think that a girl and a guy can be best friends.

 

Lots of love,
Melissa

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